Gossip Girl: The pros and cons of gossip in the workplace

(Editor's note: This post was originally published on Levo League.)

Pssst.

I have a question to ask you.

Lean in.

A little closer.

Are you a gossip girl?

Gossip – we all do it. We gossip with our girlfriends about bad dates, our siblings about overprotective parents, and our coworkers about nagging bosses. We talk about old classmates over happy hour and who’s pregnant, divorced, or pressing charges. It’s a way to release tension and vent about a situation, and it can be quite the stress-reliever. It can also be extremely hurtful and can damage both personal and professional relationships.

Have you ever watched The Office? It’s closing in on the series finale (after nine seasons!), and everything is coming to light. In case you have been living under a rock (or stopped watching it like everyone else after Steve Carrell left), the show follows the officemates of a paper company and tapes their lives to simulate the look of an actual documentary. This season, they finally have been granted the opportunity to watch the footage that’s been captured over the years, and they aren’t too pleased. Imagine how you would feel after years of petty gossip, backtalk, and betrayal?

Because if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of gossip, you know it can be damaging. Maybe you’ve been having a bad attitude at work and your boss sits you down for a chat, but as you come out of her office, the one person who knew told everyone? Or your marriage is falling apart and your firm partner told your colleagues to take it easy on you because you’re going through a divorce? The intent may not have been malicious (I mean, who doesn’t want to get a break when things are rough at home?), but it still exists and it’s still painful. The question is, how can you combat it?

“We can’t stop ineffective behavior by simply saying ‘stop it,’” says Leslie Ungar, communication and leadership coach and author of 100 Tips in 100 Days. “It does not work for a child, a dog or an employee. We need to replace ineffective behavior with effective behavior. Give real news a place where it can be directed and appreciated. Isn’t that why we have office parties for birthdays and company newsletters?”

When you’re on the receiving end of gossip, it can feel malicious and exclusionary. But it can also serve as an outlet for work frustrations and build camaraderie with your colleagues.

“If someone shares gossip with you, it bonds you together,” says Frank McAndrew, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Knox College in a Forbes article. “It creates trust. If you’re not in the loop, you feel ostracized.”

In fact, a paper published last year by two professors at the University of Amsterdam has found that gossip helps identify colleagues who are not pulling their weight, making the office run more efficiently. The study found that most people who are gossiping do it to gather or check information and their main motive for gossiping is to protect their group from those who are shirking work responsibility.

“The results of our studies show that gossip may not always be as negative as one might believe at first,” Bianca Beersma, the study’s co-author, told the MailOnline, the website of British newspaper The Daily Mail. “Gossip allows people to gather and validate information, to enjoy themselves with others, and to protect their group.”

Ungar agrees. To her, it’s a topic of gossip versus news.

“On the topic of gossip, I am the contrarian,” Ungar says. “From a communication and leadership perspective, I don’t see gossip as bad. Gossip is often another name for news. What is People magazine if not news about people? What is The Huffington Post? When does news become gossip?”

Next time you’re about to gossip, ask yourself a few questions:

Why am I talking about this? – If it’s truly for camaraderie, why are you gossiping about someone else to your coworker? Talk instead about the recent episode of Scandal or how you can’t wait to swap recipes for upcoming summer barbecues. “Have a couple of other topics in your pocket to start talking about when you feel tempted to gossip,” suggests Lynn Berger, career counselor and coach and author of The Savvy Part-Time Professional – How To Land, Create or Negotiate The Part-Time Job Of Your Dreams.

How would I feel if this were spread about me? – If it’s about a surprise party or an exciting promotion, it’s hard not to gush about her impending reaction, but try not to spoil it. But if she’s pregnant and would rather “lean in” at work before the baby comes, keep your mouth shut. “Never start gossip, especially if it is very negative,” Berger says. “It starts a negative cycle and builds upon itself.”

What’s it worth? – More importantly, what are you worth by spreading it? “In many companies, news is like currency; it has more weight than gold,” Ungar says. “Is that the fault of those spreading the news? It is the fault of management for giving news such a high value.” What will your colleagues think of the gossip? Your boss? What will they think about you? Is it – the gossip, your reputation – really worth spreading?

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