Let’s Look at Our Relationships the Way We Look at Our Jobs

(Editor's note: This post was originally published on Levo League.)

Do you believe in love at first sight?

When you first saw your partner, did you know he was the one? Did your eyes lock from across the room as everything and everyone faded into the background? According to their survey, 28 percent of women and 48 percent of men knew they were in love the moment they met their partner. Women tend to be more wary than men; we want to first feel chemistry and test their personality while men primarily have an initial sexual attraction towards women.

Love, of course, involves more than attraction. Compatibility is key, or so we’re taught from a young age with Disney movies, romance novels, and our own families. We’re usually (I can’t quite bring myself to say constantly) on the hunt for our prince charming – handsome, ambitious, smart, and loves kids. More than men, we tend to believe in soul mates and trust that years of horrible dates, unreturned phone calls, and unrequited love must mean that he’s still out there, waiting to make us whole and rescue us from the island of single toys.

Are you gagging yet?

Because regardless of whether you believe there is one person for everyone, the idea behind finding soul mates is that we want to find someone with which we are compatible. And when things don’t work out in a relationship and we’re drowning in both our tears and a tub of rocky road ice cream, we tell ourselves it’s because he wasn’t “the one.”

As Levo women, you’re more than likely beautiful, smart, ambitious, and career-driven. You want to make a name for yourself in this world and be influential in your community. You want to impress your family and friends and prove all your harshest critics wrong. So when it comes to relationships, are you attracted to like-minded individuals? Are things like religion and political views important to you, or do you believe opposites attract?

“There are two schools of thought here,” writes Northrup. “One says that the more you have in common with your partner, the better your relationship will be. The other says that the less you have in common, the more fascinating you’ll be to each other. Which is right?”

Fortunately, there is no right or wrong answer. But there is a good or better way for each person. For smart, articulate, career-driven women (like yourselves), let’s look at relationship compatibility the way we look at our jobs:

Are you and your job similar or different? – More than likely, you’re in a job (or applying to one) that you feel fits you. You went to school for it or you’re fascinated by its inner workings or your parents bestowed it upon you. Is it perfect? No. Does it challenge you? Hopefully. But if your job is drastically different than what you envisioned or if it’s so perfectly-molded to your capabilities, it can become overwhelming or monotonous. Treat your relationship like you do your job. Think about whether it motivates you to accomplish more and strive for greater or whether it pigeon-holes you and stumps your creativity.

Does sharing the same belief systems and ideals make a difference? – If your company has shady business practices or unclear harassment rules, it’s probably a very difficult environment in which to work. You want to feel safe at work, and you want your position to be appreciated and respected, just as you do in a relationship. But if you’re constantly feeling pressured to make immoral or unethical decisions at work, it might be time to hit Craigslist. Quite surprisingly, when it comes to different belief systems in relationships – specifically religious differences – 80 percent said no, it doesn’t hurt the relationship. Since you’re clear about your goals and boundaries at work, why not be the same in your relationship? If you want to nail that client account in four months, don’t let anything prevent you from reaching that goal. But do it on your (and what’s best for your company’s) terms. My friend’s job’s mission statement is, “Do more. Feel better. Live longer.” In a relationship, what is more motivating than supporting and encouraging each other to achieve goals and do more? Talk to your partner upfront – especially if the relationship is new – about your morals and beliefs so there are no (or few) surprises. Issues like whether or not you want to have kids or what church you’d like to attend can make or break relationships, just like bad business deals.

Are you doing what’s best for your company? – When you go on job interviews, you try to dazzle them with your skills and experience; you want to impress your potential employer so much there’s no way she can’t hire you. And once you start working there, you become challenged by your position and strive to make a difference, setting goals and timelines to stay motivated. But in your relationship, are you doing what’s best for your partner?

“When we asked guys in unhappy relationships to tell us what they want most from their partners that they’re not getting, we expected sex to top the list,” Northrup writes. “But when we posed this question, we offered nine answers to choose from, and sex was not their number-one wish. No, the winner was communication!”

Women always want men to open up more and share their feelings, but maybe they’re talking and we’re just not listening. At work, if you’re not communicating properly, you could lose precious time, money, or even lives! If you’re doing what’s best for your company at work, why not make better attempts at home and do what’s best for your partner? Put away your cell phone, take him to dinner, or let him have a guys’ night. Communicate your accomplishments and failures (as you would in a boardroom) to him and see if he can help. If you do what’s best for him – and, ultimately, your relationship – he will return the favor.

#Career #Relationships #Sex